Catelina Island
31/12/03
The most difficult thing about having a broken arm on a ship: Tying shoelaces
The most irritating thing about having a broken arm on a ship: People asking "how are you feeling" in concerned tones. I'M NOT ILL, I JUST HAVE A BROKEN ARM!
A close second would be people who assume that because I have one arm in a sling I must be a helpless cripple. I had a bit of a rant at somebody yesterday when they wouldn't let me pour a glass of water for myself. I still have one good arm, OK?! Of course this kind of rant just makes one feel guilty - they're Only Trying To Help, after all... Remember your disability awareness training, people - if I want help, I'll ask for it.
The most painful thing about having a broken arm on a ship: When a drunken youthie walks up in the bar, seemingly oblivious to the sling, and shakes my right hand. She doesn't notice my yelp, and when I ask her rather forcefully not to shake that hand she looks bemused and offended - she simply doesn't realise what she's done...
The most depressing thing about having a broken arm on a ship: People who assume that I'm going to sue P&O. At least 8 people have informed me that I'm crazy not to. In a couple of cases quite belligerently, as though I'm somehow letting the workforce down in admitting that it was my fault.
posted by Simon Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Well that failed abysmally. We arrived in Ocho Rios, took one look at the weather and turned around again. We would have been tendering as both alongside berths were busy, but the captain decided that it wasn't safe getting pax on and off the tenders. So I won't get to see Sarah. We're now on our way to Catelina Island instead, which is very boring.
posted by Simon Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Grand Cayman
What's interesting here is not the place, but the way the ships hold off it. It's always busy here - today there were seven ships in - and in order to save space in the bay the ships don't swing freely at their anchors but use thrusters to maintain their position and alignment. It's the same effect as using two anchors fore and aft, but without having to lay another anchor astern of the ship. The ships are spaced far enough apart that if one broke down it could swing safely, but not the two ship-lengths that would be needed if everyone was just swinging. The disadvantage is that with bow thrusters running all day, my cabin is made virtually uninhabitable!
Tomorrow we're in Ocho Rios, where I'll try to meet up with one of the shoppies on Imagination, a carnival ship which should be in with us.
posted by Simon Monday, December 29, 2003
25/12/03, 1130.
So. Christmas Eve. It started around 1000 with a rehearsal. This was followed shortly by a film, which gave me an hour off for lunch. After that, I didn't stop until 0130. First was a classical concert, during which I phoned various people to organise the hurried turnarounds of the evening. This was followed by a passenger choir practise, before and after which I tried to get some plotting time in. Then shifted a large followspot up to the top deck ready for Santa's landing on the funnel. 45 mins for dinner, shower and change, then up to operate said followspot. Then dismantle the spot and put everything back in the showlounge, from where I'd borrowed the spot's stand, before the show down there started. Then to the theatre to do two cabaret shows - another 30 mins off inbetween shows - and then a zero-time turnaround (great scheduling by somebody) from the end of the second show to the start of the Communion service which, unsurprisingly, started late. During this service I got phoned twice by members of the show company wondering why I wasn't at their party doing the Secret Santa thing I was in (no, nobody had told me it was happening then, otherwise I'd have said I couldn't make it). Once this service finished, we shooed everybody out of the door and changed things around for this morning's lessons & carols service, with chairs for a pax choir of 40 or so, etc..
Finished for the day at 0130 with many thanks to the ents team. I then went down to the showlounge to see if the showco's party was still going on, and in the process managed to fall off the stage and land on my arm. So with a numb and useless arm I continued and found that the party had finished. I went down to the crew bar nursing my arm, said Merry Christmas to lots of people, and had one of the singers inform me that I was selfish, ungrateful and antisocial for not going to their party (it was him I was supposed to give my secret santa present to, so at this point he didn't have one). Apparently the fact that I'd just finshed work was not relevant to this. The rest of the showco who were around all got very embarassed and tried to apologise for him.
By this time my arm was hurting, so nursing this I went to bed around 0200. Little sleep was had, due to both the arm and the drunk musicians shouting outside my door until 0600. So, at 0830 as my arm still hurt I got dressed (after a fashion) and went to see the doctor.
It seems I've fractured my right elbow. Well, I've managed 24 years without breaking any bones, so I guess it had to happen sometime. There's something terribly ironic about falling over and breaking one's arm on Christmas Eve *WHILE SOBER*!!!!!!!
On Aurora or (particularly) Oriana there would be a big problem now, but fortunately on this ship everything is automated, so the only real effect is that I can only press half as many buttons at once. My arm is in a tubigrip and sling, and only moderately painful, and hopefully I'll be allowed to return to work tomorrow. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to get dressed in a manner suitable for passenger areas - one-handed shoelaces are *hard*, so I'm wearing flip-flops today. I'm writing this on my laptop and probably won't actually send it for a day or two, as I can't go to a pax cyberstudy dressed like this, and the crew office is closed today so I can't buy credit for the crew one. Shortly I shall go down to the crew mess for Christmas lunch, which could be amusing, since I'm not used to one-handed eating yet.
I think this puts a stop to my hoped-for jaunts to South America.....
Until I did my arm in I was actually quite enjoying the day - it's fun to be busy once in a while, especially when co-ordinating the busyness.
posted by Simon Thursday, December 25, 2003
Tortola
A property of an inside cabin that I hadn't thought of before - it's almost impossible to get soaking wet shoes dry. I've given up now and started wearing them on the basis that then they'll get body heat and a bit of fresh air....
posted by Simon Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Antigua
I made quite a sight this afternoon, arriving at the security checkpoint covered from head to toe in mud. I went quad-biking. it was fun!
posted by Simon Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Grenada
Why, oh why, do airlines assume that you're flying from your home country and only allow you to select UK airports for departure on their websites? Umm. More on the reasons for my trying this if it turns out to be feasible.
Spent today in Grenada, and managed to get off on tour for a walk in a rainforest. Which was, predictably, disappointing for seeing wildlife but quite pleasent as a walk in teh woods, with smells of nutmeg and cinnamon all around. Then we were taken to a beach where the pax went swimming and I blagged a kayak to paddle around in for 10 mins...
An observation from a pharmacy in Barbados: White people all over my ship are desperately trying to make themselves darker, as they think this is attractive. Meanwhile in Barbados one can buy cosmetic skin lightening cream... oh, the irony ;-)
posted by Simon Sunday, December 21, 2003
Still Barbados
Well, in the laptop lock saga, armed with instructions from Targus I spent half an hour this afternoon attacking it with a vice and a hacksaw. People may have wondered why they saw me walking around teh ship with a laptop-shaped bundle wrapped in a bath mat, but it served to protect things...
After some effort I now have a laptop none the worse for wear apart from a couple of scratches in the back of the casing, and a lock in many pieces.
In other news, we're in port today with Minerva 2. This is the first time I've seen her in the... erm... steel?
She's not as small as I expected. A sizable ship and, judging from the nujmber of lifeboats, probably not far short of a thousand pax. Not having a brochure here I can't check.
I'd love to work on there. The only difficulty being her lack of a theatre.....
posted by Simon Friday, December 19, 2003
Barbados (later)
Well, having been woken up anyway, I went ashore to go shopping at 0900. I also had a wander around some parts of Bridgetown (the capital) that I haven't got to before.
It's interesting - I felt liek I had stepped back a few decades when I read press cuttings along these lines:
- Debate over whether condoms should be provided in prisons, as they might promote sodomy, which is a criminal offense
- Legalising homosexuality would "jeporside national security" for the sake of allowing a few people with socially unacceptable habits to practise them.
Admittely, I was reading these in the porch of a Roman Catholic cathedral, so they can't be expected to be balanced, but that is the law here at present.
The same thoughts about time-warps when I went to Courts electronics section, which seems to be the only place one can buy blank CD-RWs.
First of all I had to leave my bag at the entrance. Fair enough, this must be cheaper than security-tagging everything, though I can't see it taking off on Oxford St.. Once I'd climbed to the first floor I found what I wanted in a locked cabinet, as they are easily shopliftable.
So, I looked for somebody to help me. They were all busy.
After 15 mins of waiting (I think they were genuinuely busy, I don't *think* they were ignorign the white man. But for a given value of "busy", which would roughly correspond to 4am in Dixons in the middle of nowhere), I saw somebody open up the cabinet to get something for another customer. I asked whether he could get me three CD-RWs while he was there. He ignored me. WHen his other customer pointed out to him that I existed, he grunted that I should wait until he'd finished with the other people, and locked the cabinet again.
10 mins later I interrupted somebody who looked away from the client they were dealing with for a moment, as I was getting fed up with waiting to spend a grand total of B$9 (around £3). When she eventually got around to me, she came and looked at the cabinet, and went to find her supervisor to get the key. 5 mins later she opened it, took the product out, and wrote me out a sales slip. I then had to go to the cash desk (unmanned for the first 5 mins of waiting) in order to pay. I then returned with the yellow slip to collect my goods, before reutrning to the ground floro to collect my bag and leaving. all in all, it took me around 45 mins to buy three blank CDs. Fun fun fun....!
posted by Simon Friday, December 19, 2003
Barbados
*REALLY* NOT AMUSED.
Exactly the same just happened as in St. Thomas last cruise. On turnaround days in Barbados my theatre is used for storing handluggage. Consequently we have to have the curtains open and the lights on for this. We were asked to have it done for 0830. Fine. I set my alarm for 0800, and would probably have had it done 10 mins early.
Except that at 0700 some idiot saw that it wasn't done yet, paniced, and started paging people. Consequently once again three people are woken up to push three buttons. That's one each.
ARRRRGH! If you want it done for 0700, *tell us* you want it done for 0700. If you don't need it until 0830, then make sure *all* of your staff are aware of this. IT'S CALLED COMMUNICATION, PEOPLE!!!
posted by Simon Friday, December 19, 2003
Grand Cayman
Yesterday we were in Cozumel. I went on tour to the mainland to some more Mayan ruins and an "ecological walk" through the forest. Which was nice. We didn't actually see any wildlife because our group was too big, but it was a pleasent stroll...
Cozumel is an island and the ferries go to a port on the mainland called Payela Del Carmen (probably spelt wrong). Here I found a tourist industry that I haven't come across before. Many places have casinos for Americans who can't gamble, but here was shop after shop selling drugs that would require a perscription in the UK, and presumably have similar restrictions imposed by the US Federal Drugs Administration.
I noticed that one could buy Viagra off the shelf, but would have had to ask for condoms, which were behind the counter. This combinations seems to be asking for trouble.....!
Today we've called unexpectedly in Grand Cayman to land a medical emergency. So we've just stopped (I don't think we've actually anchored, by cabin hasn't shaken enough), they'll be taken ashore in a boat and then we'll set off again in an hour or so.
Annoyingly one of the other ships in here is the Imagination (Carnival). I know one of the shop staff on there, but have no mobile phone signal in this port... no, I'm not paying £5/min for a ship-to-ship sattelite call.
posted by Simon Monday, December 15, 2003
Costa Maya
Woken up this morning by the ship's alarm. I was nearly dressed and going for the door when the tannoy informed us that it was a false alarm caused by a fault in the alarm systems..... the same fault, or something related, also activated the sprinklers above the art gallery. Hmm, salt water...!
Tour guides in this area are obviously used to Americans. In Colon the first thing the guide did was to thank us for taking the risk of travelling abroad, and informed us that we were "A new breed of traveller" for braving the world after September 2002. Today the guide complained about the high price of petrol in Mexico, at around $3/gallon.
Anyway, I went off on tour to some Mayan ruins that I can't pronnounce or spell the name of. They were impressive, and the best thing was that the area was totally undeveloped, except by the archeologists. There was nobody trying to sell us stuff, in fact we were the only group there. And we were allowed to climb all over the structures - there were no guardrails or anything, if we fell to our deaths by trying to walk along a narrow ledge it was our stupid fault. A refreshing change from the usual fear of litigation.
This whole area, on the Yucatan Penninsula, is pretty undeveloped. Until around 20 years ago it was federal land and practically uninhabited. In the 70s the government started giving out free land to settlers, and then the area became a state. The road we were on for two hours from the port (a pier with tourist shops and a swimming pool attached) to the ruins had only been completed two years ago. It was the kind of road you see in films - dead straight to the horizon, and beyond for half an hour at a time. The kind of road where you see an oncoming car appear (occasionally), and know it will be a couple of minutes before it passes you. Either side, a few villages but mostly jungle. Many of the people around here claim to be of pure Mayan blood, and our guide said he was half mayan and half Spanish. Apparently Spanish is a definite second language here, with a derivation of the Mayan language spoken in homes.
posted by Simon Saturday, December 13, 2003
Simon is not well. Well, Simon has not been well for a few years now, but it's getting worse.
Today started off well - I was feeling productive and got about 90 mins of useful work done. By this point I was feeling tired, fed up, bleary eyed and demotivated. Shortly after I got a headache to go with this. I'd just lost my nice Parker pen, which was really frustrating, this may have been coindicence or it may have been a trigger. Or the fact that I got so stressed and frustrated by it may be a symptom. Who knows?
This kind of thing happens too often - I rarely seem to be good for more than two hours of work in one go. Fortunately at present I can usually decide my own hours, but I say that I want to get out of theatre, and I'm not sure if I could actually do an office job at present....
Of course, if people on the ship see you tired they just assume that you were out too late the night before - everyone on a ship is always tired to some degree, as to get the amount of sleep that you should have you'd have to have no social life whatsoever. But at present I *do* have no social life whatsoever... last night I went to bed at midnight, straight after work, and didn't get up until about 0930, which with the clocks going forward is 8.5 hours sleep.
I'm spending most of my life feeling stressed, tense or angry over things that would never have bothered me in the past... either there's something physically wrong, or I'm simply burning out at 24. And I don't have a pen... :-(
posted by Simon Thursday, December 11, 2003
Colon
The third largest city in an otherwise run-of-the-mill bit of rainforest that, due to the forces of Geography, became one of the most important countries in the world - Panama.
Colon is situated at the Carribean end of the Canal, and I went off on tour to look at the Gatun locks and an old village an hour away by the name of Portabelo (is this where the name of the Road came from? Quite possibly), through which much of the gold headed to Spain from South and Central America came. It was interesting, in a looking-at-grass-covered-Spanish-ruins kind of way. It was nice to see something of Panama other than the canal - the two tend to be synonymous in many peoples' minds, including mine, most of the time, as it is the Canal which puts Panama on the world stage.
posted by Simon Tuesday, December 09, 2003
SOmewhere in the South-Western Carribean
Today started quite well, but got depressing. On the way to Colon we just passed within about 1/4 mile of Oriana, which is on her way back from South America. Close enough to see figures waving but not close enough to see who they are. Mel may have been waving back, or she might not have been on deck at all. To be so close......
Anyway, Oriana looks really nice underway - the ugly gap under her transom is filled with water, and she looks like a proper ship steaming at speed. A speed considerably faster than we can manage! I still think Aurora is the nicest-looking ship when at anchor, but I don't know about when she's moving, I've never seen it.
Amazingly, the replacements for the lamps that we ran out of last September have finally arrived, so the nightclub will start to get lit decently again. Sadly the ones that we ran out of more recently are still absent, so the theatre is still getting darker every time one blows. If it takes the three months that the others took, they'll probably be singing in the dark before we get replacements...
posted by Simon Monday, December 08, 2003
A couple of people have asked about how they can send stuff to me out here.
First, a warning - having discovered how much air mail costs, I will not be doing Christmas cards this year. Sorry. So don't feel you have to send me one :-)
If you still want to know the address, make sure you have a long bit of paper:
Simon Waldman
Ents Dept
MV Oceana
P&O Princess Cruises
c/o Platinum Port Services Inc.
Shallow Draught
St. Michael
BARBADOS
West Indies.
Don't bother sending anything to arrive during January - the last time I call in Barbados is, IIRC, the 2nd Jan, and the next time after that is the day that I fly home.
posted by Simon Monday, December 08, 2003
Yesterday was Dominica. This island has some of the nicest scenery in the Carribean, but again you have to get away from teh town to reach it. I was hoping to get into a jeep that some crew members were hiring, but sadly they didn't have space. So, I was reduced to wandering around the town. For a full day.
I did some chores on board, and spent a couple of hours ashore in which I did discover a rather nice botanical garden.
In other news, some spammer is using firecloud.org.uk as a"from" address - I've been flooded with hundreds of bounce messages to emails I didn't send. This would ordinarily only be a minor annoyance, but as I'm (a) paying by the second to delete these; (b) unable to alter my filters without telnet access, it's more major. If you've sent me an email and I haven't replied, please be patient......
posted by Simon Saturday, December 06, 2003
Antigua
Got ashore for a couple of hours here between rehearsals and a classical recital. Despite having been on speedboat trips around the North Sound, etc., I've never actually explored beyond the tourist shops in the main town of St. John's. So today I walked off to the National Museum, which was somewhat interesting, and then to St. John's Cathedral, which is by far the largest church I've seen the Carribean. It's odd in that it's delapidated stone on the outside, but the interior is built entirely from dark wood - you can't see the stone anywhere from the inside except for the floor. Apparently this double construction is a 19th Century anti-earthquake measure.
Whatever the reason, it does give the church a gorgeous interior. Although simple (they haven't gone and carved everything like some wooden churches), I really liked it. It's also by far the largest wooden church I've seen anywhere.
One thing I noticed about Antigua is that the colour of the population is more mixed than is usual in the Carribean. Although the majority is black, largely of African origin, there are an unusually large number of white and mixed people, so that as a white tourist I don't stand out quite so much (or wouldn't without the crew pass and camera round my neck...). It's also more developed than most carribean islands, at least in St. John's.
This island had, IIRC, the main British naval base in the area in the age of sail. Unfortunately this is all on the other side of the island, so it needs most of day to make the bus or taxi ride worthwhile. I'm back here twice more, so perhaps.....
On a less pleasent note, following some allegations that have been made against a crew member we've all been advised that if we're in a lift and a single female passenger gets in with us, we should get out as soon as possible and call another lift. What is our society like?
posted by Simon Wednesday, December 03, 2003
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH!!!!!!
OK. To give them their due, US Immigration sent enough people that they could process the crew in parallel with the passengers, rather than afterwards. So my passport had been glanced at by about 1000. There were still a lot of disgruntled passengers an hour after that who had been made to stand in a queue for an hour and a half - I don't know how many of them will appreciate the fact that this is nothing to do with P&O.
Having had my pass issued I asked the pursers organising the immigration inspection whether I could go ashore now. They didn't know. I saw the Senior 1st Officer waiting to be inspected, and asked him. I figured that he would know, being something like 3rd or 4th in command of the ship. He told me that crew shore leave wouldn't be granted until all the crew had been inspected.
So, I went to my cabin and read a book for a while, and then went up to the theatre and did some work, and then walked around the outside deck to go back to my cabin, glanced downwards, and saw lots of crew members coming and going on the gangway. So I went down to the gangway and asked if shore leave was granted. "Oh yes sir, you can go as soon as your pass is issued". ARRRRGHHHH!!!! DOES NOBODY TALK TO ANYBODY ELSE ON THIS SHIP??!!!! So myself and a number of others had been sat on board for around 90 mins longer than necessary because nobody had bothered to announce shore leave. Had I not happened to see the crew members on the gangway I would have stayed until 1300 when my in-port manning started anyway. I think some people did.
Anyway, i got ashore, and finally managed to find a Radio Shack and buy a floppy drive for my laptop (at a rather high price, but having found the prevelance, or rather the lack of prevelance, of computer shops in the carribean I concluded that it was that or wait until I got home), and returned. Tried to get lunch in the staff mess. And found that, due to US hygine inspections there is very little food out. We're not allowed cold meats or salad, as apparently this is unhygenic. We're not even allowed cream crackers *which are INDIVIDUALLTY WRAPPED* because this is somehow unhygenic. We are allowed a choice of beef curry or chilli. If you're a vegetarian you can have a bowl of dry rice, or a bread roll.
So I returned my plate, apologies to those I was with who don't have deck privilages, and am about to go up to the passenger buffet in search of something edible.
posted by Simon Tuesday, December 02, 2003
St. Thomas
Not Amused.
To cater for the requirements of US Immigration to have somewhere to interview people (this is another rant entirely, that people who've read since San Francisco last winter will have heard before), we were asked to have the lights turned on in Starlights, the showlounge, by 0630 this morning. Accordingly one of us (me) was scheduled to get up early and do this.
Unfortunately some idiot of a purser seems to have got there at around 0620, seen that it hadn't been done yet, paniced and bleeped the *entire department*. Consequently three production managers are got out of bed after around five hours sleep in order to push four buttons between them.
On the plus side, I did get to see a Carribean sunrise over the Marriott hotel (a block-of-flats resort hotel. In pink.)
I won't be able to get off here as US Immigration aren't expected to allow any crew ashore until around 1330-1400, and I'm in-port manning from 1300. Passengers are being interviewed as I type (0730), including those who aren't planning on going ashore today but still have to get up to see the Americans.
In terms of the place itself, as far as I can see from the ship it's A.N.Other Carribean Destination. THere's less of the piles of junk lying around, less of the occasional chicken wandering along the street, more of the twee fountains with the stars and stripes flying over them and more self-important people with guns wandering around the port area (not to mention my showlounge), but at the end of the day it appears to be a dockside, a large shopping mall and a rainforest-encrusted hill. Except that the hill here has a cable car going up it, which I have to admit is quite a good idea.
To be fair, I haven't (and won't have) been into the town itself (looks like it's about a mile away round the bay), so I might be doing the place a huge injustice. Hey, the chances are that if I were able to get off I might be able to buy the external floppy disk drive that I've been so unsucessful in obtaining in any other port......
posted by Simon Tuesday, December 02, 2003